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Thylazine: The Australian Journal of Arts, Ethics & Literature                                                                                                                                          #9/thyla9j
THE POETRY OF AILEEN KELLY
Selected by Coral Hull

[Above] Photo of Aileen Kelly by Dinh Thanh Xuan, 2001.

"Any room any life may be the place taken over.
While you still huddle wondering is it too late
for words like beauty and love,"


I Legwork I Any room I Good looking I Snake I Substance I Water quality I Research methods I Kenning Solstice I Notes from the planet's edge I The whirlpool I Three wild angels I First Lesson I Disappeared I Closed Circuit I Aunt Ellen I Old friend I Shortest days I The place of falling I Strands of family I


Legwork

The thread snagged on my cheek
just as a stray lens of sun
flicked into focus the sketchweb strung
at improbable lengths between banksia leaf
and maple twig. Under construction
and that's torn it.
                               Coming home I see
she's pegging away, the stay-ties
no safer but newly aligned,
she's legging it up and around
from bamboo to postbox and oak.

Each day is to spin out her lifework.

The postman, the cat leaping for butterflies,
some clumsy brute of a me
passes. She absorbs her ruin
and pegs the true pattern again.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Any room

Any room any life may be the place taken over.
While you still huddle wondering is it too late
for words like beauty and love, the dog is shot,
the door you trusted cracks open at first boot
and camouflaged men swagger into possession.
The writer's pen is driven through the writer's flesh.
Any powerpoint converts to simple coercion.
The place you played as a child, where your children play
the trigger and giggle of fantasy: from any ceiling
ambiguous shadows hang, splinters rise
from walls, and stained floors mutter unlikely tales.
It was always too late for words like honour and truth
which are always blindfold words spat at hooded faces
or scratched on familiar walls by shattered fingers.
Under the hood is it stranger or neighbour or twin?
Anywhere quiet and safe may become the place.
Any room any time now.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Good looking

Good to look from a tram at the boys propping their corner,
muscles defined by the cut-back T-shirts, at ease in their art-work,
macho and tattooed, high on their thick-soled boots and beer,
flashing their metal, asking to be looked at.

Good to look out of a train bridging the street and see
the girls draped black over faded red and leggings,
near-death make-up, soft hats, the elbows and hand-around smokes,
stringy and confident, free to gaze where they like.

Good to pass fast behind glass, good not to be on their street,
not see myself strange and old in the flat mirror of their stare,
not dodge among the casual cudgels of their heavy wit.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Snake

Today the pup found his way into the gully.
A young pup built of two small breeds
marching up the damp bed, all hair
and cockiness. I thought 'Snake' and
called him but he only comes sometimes
by now. So: very small
marching up the gully floor, so very small
between walls of fern and dangling creeper
smelling the shadows and learning. Like kids,
you have to let them grey your hair
or else they never really grow
up. Of course there mostly isn't
any snake and today there
wasn't one as well. In his own time he came
up out frisking his tail-end,
cocky and hairy and damp. If he had
grown I couldn't see it.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Substance

Sometimes china she belongs on the secure span of mantelpiece over solid brick and tile against the wall
or craves the shut glass of a cabinet, tucked back in triangular dark unseen unless someone bends and
             reaches.
Instead she is perched absurdly on the coffee table while children and dog tumble and yell, hurting
themselves and each other in their rage to find out muscle and light and strength and control and brain and
             interaction and domination.
Hurts that no china figurine can prevent or mend, while at a hundred near-misses she compacts her
             stillness to its lowest centred balance
waiting for the next thoughtless nearness to miss missing and become a casual hit;
for herself to become a crunch of fragments underfoot in the own lives to which they are of course entitled.

Lattertimes stone she stands integral on the side of the birdbath, an outstretched hand offering refreshment
             to the thirsty and the dusty.
Equally unaffected by weather, wattlebirds dive and shower and take nectar from the feeder above, striated
             feathers clear striped by a linger of damp.
Higher yet a blackbird sings in an endless spring, cockblack on the rooftip.
She knows his lyric and his busy wife; brown and black sip here together at evening.
She knows where their nest is hidden each year among the camellias.
She knows the neighbour's cat seeking and the soft shaping of fur and claw through foliage.
She has learnt to make no judgement between them, holding herself in her own familiarity, warmed by sun,
             collecting and freed from debris according to the wind.

Sometimes she is required instantly to be human,
a bright loving woman among her independent offspring
to fill a lull in their pre-occupations.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Water quality

My world was made from a chaos of watermeadow
flat as a cowpat, farmed by ancient arts
of drain and weir, small hidden channels splashed
with weed and minnow. Steering by the church spire
we walked on tufts of kingcup or squelched between.
A world we cudded like cows: natural science,
history and songs, the pebble-bellied
river we swam and drank.
                                            A ragged break.
Transplant shock: more than expected ways
foreign. The words in your pocket denied exchange.
Your qualifications never unrolled. The hard
land which neither kills nor satisfies
your exploration for the inland sea
of life and language clear enough to drink.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Research Methods

At dusk looking for five nights' barking owl
we locate a hysterical epicentre
of noisy miners and blackbirds
and find there only a tawny frogmouth
silent as a casemoth chrysalis,
face and feet decently self-contained
in twigbundled feathers,
patient for darkness to raise the seige.
A bonus, not an answer.

After midnight we wake intrigued again:
the hoarse chopped barks
and our dogs in a thrash of frustration.

Next dusk-night brings neat dancer toe-points
across the gravel, late enough
to trigger no bird-alarms
but careless of our porchlight
so that we notice dropjawed in our armchairs:
thick tail jogged with the trot,
hand-up attention ears; not owl you fools
but the lone alien advertising
the extent of his lands,
his rabbits, his adequate ducklings,
seeks mate, similar, quick red fox
to run the tunnels of foreign dark together.

Published in Coming up for Light (Pariah Press, 1994).

Kenning

The moth sets down at dawn
and is formed to the leaf

The bird returns at noon
and fulfils the nest

Where are you sky-wanderer?
All day my hands lie upturned empty

Where are you will of wind?

The nestled grasses cool
open to ponding dusk

Published in Eureka Street (Australia)

Solstice

This shortest day's moves are all prose and relative clauses
between shackled curtains hanging back from cold glass
whose slow dusking enters the unlit room too soon
sidling over eaves and garden, over a wind-
fingered pond all surface, and the hard wintering husks.
One galah squawks up the air and pinks the light
to a smarter metre, one fish snouts up as a simple verse
of gold and gone, a distant folk-dance strikes its beat.
The fallen husk splits, a chalice for Sun-return.

Published in The Age (Australia).

Notes from the planet's edge

"Some meteoroids make it to the surface simply because they're so small that they literally float to the ground. There are thousands of these interplanetary particles in the room you're in now, stuck to your clothes, in your hair, everywhere." Geoff McNamara

The last tadpoles
strangle
sun-pinched in mud.
Desiccate.
One night's rapid rain it's marsh again
open for business,
pobblebonk frogs plunk
their deep-belly mandolins
expound their name, advertise
one more try for spawn
to grow to legs
where primal ooze edges the planet
still testing its options
between life and vacuum.
Early nights clench cold
on lavish water.
The last tadpoles
stumped
drift down and rot.

*

under the ceiling's blanket
under a wafer of slate
and thin air
I crouch naked
where the planet's particular edge
is nuzzled and pawed
in passing
by the expanding everything

*

Out here on the planet's rim we live
between earth and sunfire, between wind and water. Onto our beach the weekend visitors
crawl out of their glass
protective husk where no-one hears
a fricative cosmos scraping the huddled Earth.
They thrash the margin of water or bake
on sand's edge, tide's edge like tadpoles out of luck;
or insect over the surface with oars and rods. We who inhabit the weekdays see enough,
too little water, too much. Wind fills the sails
and crumbles the cliff.
In the freshening pond pobblebonks yell for the brief
comfort of procreation, the myth of escape. All
over the planet's knobbly rind
the frogs are dwindling
but their mud our mud
is starred with the invisible sift of space.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

The whirlpool

Bones within my fingers grip
the cold compass-head and wrench
it round. The pole-pulled iron
reads south on its card but still asserts
entrenched within its body
an unarguable north in which
sometime out of County Cork
my father's father made port in
Southampton, my father sailed the wars
of his youth and found Winchester and I
walked St Cross and Selbourne building
my mind's map and then slapped myself
down on the backside of earth, where the inner
compass spins across its own backwards shadow
and each new tree or wall harbours strange birds.
In no-light at 3 a.m. the pedestrian memory
sketches all these journeys black on ghostwhite
and the map finds a new starting point,
an arrow labelled You
Are Not Here.

The tic of ear and eye-corner on pillow
locate the head, the head locates the body.
By such clues one continues
to navigate the physical, touching
finger to the other wrist, finding
the hard tender mound between itch and clot and scar
where a mosquito spiked under a bruise,
plucking the spine's tension, tracing length
by the hip cramped with long lying.
Thus one maps the body
of treacherous islands and cyclone waters
without reference to compass.

Turning slowly to the right there is
comfort giving oneself to the turn
and this whirlpool becomes the easiest
of navigations, where the water
has its own purpose.
Then magpie and butcherbird
bring too much dawn for black and white
and the morning is rosellas.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Three wild angels<

"... those wild angels tugging at the seams of your poems" Catherine Bateson

Him

His skull encloses
mineshaft country.
We suspect
seams of chittering bat
and dragging claws
(human nature fills a vacuum
with such surprises).

His surface speaks
the structure of bone
the grammar of vault and jawhook.
Messenger
he grits the air to meaning.
His abyss
stares back at our pretence
of blank surprise.

Unwrapped from flesh
his bone condenses water from our air.
Swallowing our stale mouth
we drink fresh
from his clean cold cup.

You

The temple smells:
not blood or incense
but the astringent
of clear empty time,
a bellchamber
babbling your downy voice
across our concrete dusk
until we see the unthinkable
fire lines.
The stars, mapped.

Panicked, we all come at you.
You unravel,
drag your tender guts across the dirt
and we want of course
some sweet simple answer
from your gravelled mouth.

Fled
halfway up the sky your face
blossoms a skin of lamplight

Me

Whose pool now?
Where does it send me
to lob in from the sun
or rise breaking the surface
screwing up its images: cloud
and the anxious damaged lives
hanging out at water's edge.
What does it make me?

Angel woman mermaid
my two tentacle tails thrash,
reveal a numinous glitter
or a black chasm of sex.
My flame is dragged with feathers,
my arms sweat and ripple
to hold up all the pain.
What voice?
Who should I speak it to?

My hands ache,
stiffen at the knuckles
tired of the workcushion and pins,
the rattle of thrown bobbins,
the tiny making day after day
meticulously knotting into these lives
a god who cannot be unmade,
who can't be stopped from suffering
at our expense.

Bone.     Bell.     Lamp.
I question at the eyeholes.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

First lesson

My mother, always on about manners, said
'Don't lick it' but I was tall that year
all of four and the ice
set in early, worked
its way down longer every night clinging
from the porch roof, hand over hand to my level.
Those licks in passing were supposed to be
the magical mythical ice-cream
war-babies never had. Instead
that first lesson in crystal tasted
of stale cold distance like sky, and a strange
relish of roosting starlings. A first lesson
in cryogenics: all their dropping-germs
frozen alive woke in my belly
and I spewed my conscience up before Mum's
unspoken told-you-so.
                                             Nonetheless
mother and father, teacher and teacher,
recognised hunger deeper than for sweets.
When I turned eight they gave me
a microscope, a real one in a wooden box,
adjustable lens, scalpel and glass slides
on which a caterpillar's hair could lie,
or worlds of finger-drip from ditch or gutter
with pulsing populations of simple cells.
Or a common starling feather, its crew of mites
inhabiting a blaze of intimate rainbow.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Disappeared

We can't touch you
can't hear you through their walls

Do you dream
in your nightmare we
are strong     could and will not
free you?
The walls do not shiver at our trumpet
We have walked around them
singing in our thin voices
the seventh time
Khaki with a gun leans on the parapet
watching this rabble of women
Whistles his wolf-teeth
Sees nothing to concern him

We watch our feet drag
walking away

*

Those who always look always
do not find
In rumpled beds of earth
broken bone tethers the shredding flesh
Khaki picks his wolf-teeth
drapes his muscle casually at the gate

*

Where shall we place
stretched arms
a lovingly tacked cross?

Guilt stains through
our working day's
bewilderment

The photos crack
the pins corrode
on the kitchen door

The casual wolf
The gates heavy
The razor wire intact

Within your niche
your cold pale eyes
are stone

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Closed circuit

"One photographer squatted on the ground holding the hand of a blind old woman who did not have the strength to walk any more. 'I gave up taking pictures a long time ago,' he muttered." - News report

The helicopters winch women in birth
and men armfilled with children.
Nothing stands, poses, smiles and waves.
Tables and roofs rush downstream
break ranks to coffin wood.
The ice gives up the mountain's bones.
In every burnt drowned joggled down city,
sliding hillside, army trampled village
our optic fibre snakes up the intestines
up the tearducts up the heart vessels
pries its thin end of sight.
Everyone ate these pictures long ago
dragged through tape and glass as TV dinners.
I gave up.
                    Here with a broken grandma
nothing holds but hands.

In a detached suburb, half my soul away,
the children climb a pretty hillock
under the kingly cloaks of wealth and wisdom
to a neat manger
and family cameras flash and whirr
for gold spiced memories. But me
I gave up stacking future long ago.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Aunt Ellen

I will sit one more day beside Aunt Ellen,
beside the machine that breathes her.
I will lie to the fading grip of her fingers,
deny that her house looks empty,
that her furniture is scratched beyond hope of polish
by thrown brick and sharding glass.
Avoid her ironic eye.

The doctors, like children, imagine they understand:
one more poor old thing whose safety is cracked
by the strike of virtual lightning.
They walk their wards
plugged in, fizzing with power, unafraid of the new.

Forty, divorced,
Aunt Ellen rode a Harley into my teens:
black leather, Camus and Ginsberg,
two fingers for Hell's Angels.
Thirty years she's mapped me all the tough journeys.

So find a Beowulf for your grey halls dear doctors:
whatever prowls breaking this woman's windows
in spite of your sceptical eyebrows or even hers
squats in the chambered rock and grins while you pass.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Old friend

'It's just my wretched body'
you say reassuring,
agasp on my doorstep,
eyes jaunty as ever
in their purple carrels.

Well truthfully old friend I find
as I bag your bones into a chair,
prop your stick handy,
discreetly check
I've got your daughter's number
and urge the jug to boil

well truthfully I wasn't
instantly concerned
for the state of your soul.

Published in City and Stranger (Five Islands Press, 2002).

Shortest days

To jog
along the pavement of first dusk
between the two shortest days

To flinch aside
barely missed by fluid falls
of lost metal sparked
by welders masked behind the parapet
(who work to time not daylight)

To turn for safety
and confront instead
a mugger? dense and inchoate:
only a hunched many-clawed bush

where soon moonlight will point out
a sputter of flowers, white sparks of scent
for which the moths, navigating
the early reaches of oceanic night
already set their compass

and the gathering breeze
launches now on a sworn course:

beyond the longest night
first light and second wind.

The place of falling

The lad walks saintly towards me
across a clifftop, mazed with broken walls
unforgiven by a perfect sky.

Grass flats, hummocks of burrowed slabwork
scattered to catch at confident feet:
this is the vertigo place of falling dreams,

this is the height of balance
between flight and shatter
back to unity in the tangled sheets.

It's there again, as mountains screened
in a stranger's televisual:
the young shaman cloaked

brown against the far valleys of snow,
striding the dangerous ridge, returning
from his hero journey.

*

A clear hold between the flickers:
I have fallen from here before.
Just as one was getting on nicely

how one is squeezed out like toothpaste
into light
and the world's slippery hands

which begin at once to teach
breath and the weight of uncertainty
between the ribs.

*

In hard light it's a steep learning climb
to land up at this top, circled by fall,
to stand in sweat and teeter.

On the face of it three hornhead sheep
tapple from rock to snow-pocket to rock
towards the peakland grass.

Fingering out there a stare
reaches be-heathered
and the stones turn under its touch

and rise in sheer affrontery
to trace their geology, stratum to stratum,
rehearsing their burnt and boiled years

crushed and folded and metamorphic years
to criticise our brief and easy ride.
On the face of it

they'd rise to all occasions
but their cold hard testament
is flat against co-operation.

Across the sun-flood beyond
the glacier's deferred outcome
the stones turn.

Strands of family

Squared civilised stone
where sun strikes a coffee-break
any afternoon

throws back another wall
(we stood in windowlight)
tessellated with Gran's photo lives

where everyone stepped into arc-light
set up in studios
or simple strands of family.

And my child who never gathered life
beyond the first few divisions
(never found the semblance of eyes

slid undifferentiated through the birth canal)
seeking its name by my recognition
of family nostril or a turn of lip

steps from the tunnel under this afternoon
to stand in light and a nothing of noise
between the squared stones and white space.

About the Poet Aileen Kelly

Aileen Kelly grew up in England. At Cambridge University (MA in literature) she married an Australian, and has lived in Melbourne most of her life. Her poetry has been widely published in Australia and overseas. Her first book, Coming up for Light (Pariah Press 1994, available from author), won the Mary Gilmore Award, and was shortlisted for the Anne Elder and Victorian Premier's awards. It also won the Vincent Buckley Poetry Prize which, with complementary funding from Arts Victoria, took her to Ireland for two months, and she returned there for a month the following year. Poetry worked on at those times forms a major element in her second book, City and Stranger (Five Islands Press 2002), although only a few poems may be clearly identifiable as Irish. She reads poetry from USA, UK, Ireland and elsewhere, as well as Australian poets, and celebrates the fact that all of this influences her own poetry. She thinks that if you do not expose yourself to your contemporaries for fear of being influenced, you will be influenced instead by poetry you read as a child. It is hard to write well in a vacuum.
   [Above] Photo of Aileen Kelly by Dinh Thanh Xuan, 2001.

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